Being Absolved From Absolution

Lately, I've been reflecting on my own journey—one that may or may not resonate with other white folks—but one that, for me, has revealed a deep and often unspoken truth: I am seeking absolution.

Absolution for everything that whiteness is responsible for.

This is a weight that no one else has placed upon me; it is one I have taken upon myself. Through my process of awakening to the profound injustices of the past and present, I have internalized these tragedies in a way that goes beyond simple acknowledgment. Instead of just recognizing, "These are bad things we need to correct," I have also, at times, unconsciously adopted the belief that "I am a bad person who needs to be corrected."

This is where the danger lies. When we internalize historical and systemic injustices as personal moral failings, our subsequent actions can become inherently self-centered. Rather than focusing purely on dismantling oppression and advancing racial justice, we can become consumed with the need to prove—to others, but most of all, to ourselves—that we are not bad people.

In doing so, we may perform allyship not solely out of a commitment to justice, but also in pursuit of personal validation. We may engage in activism not just to make change but to seek reassurance that we are “good.” We may claim that our ultimate goal is racial justice, but an unspoken goal often lingers beneath the surface: absolution.

Of course, both can be true at the same time. We can genuinely want to be part of meaningful progress, while also desiring to alleviate our own discomfort. But the challenge is that when we become preoccupied with seeking absolution, it can ultimately undermine the very work we claim to care about. If our driving force is to feel better about ourselves rather than to actively contribute to systemic change, we risk making racial justice about us—our feelings, our redemption—rather than about the people and communities we claim to stand with.

The hard truth is that validation—the confirmation that we are "one of the good ones"—will never come from external sources. And even if it did, it would not be the point. The real work lies in shifting our focus away from the self and toward collective action. It lies in understanding that racial justice is not about proving our own goodness, but about challenging and changing the structures that perpetuate harm.

This requires healing from shame. Shame, when left unexamined, keeps us stuck in a cycle of self-obsession, constantly seeking reassurance that we are enough. But when we let go of the need for absolution, we liberate ourselves from the distractions that keep us from truly engaging in the work.

The journey toward racial justice is not about individual redemption. It is about systemic transformation. And that requires us to relinquish the quest for personal absolution in favor of something far more meaningful: real, sustained, and selfless commitment to justice.